Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts,...– Paulo Coelho (via mentaljig) I love this guy.
Anonymous asked: I love your blog sooo much :')
Anonymous asked: are you muslim? :)
iheartmessi: Love is... →
messifreak: •being across the Atlantic ocean but not caring one bit •watching the full 90 minutes plus the added time •making future plans and hoping they will come true •still being there even when his hair is messy and sweat is dropping from his forehead •smiling when he smiles and being happy when he…
Mom: *calls my name*
Me: *closes computer, gets up, opens door, walks downstairs, jumps through hoop of fire, fights muhammad ali in his prime, wrestles a bear, out runs usain bolt, climbs mount everest*
Mom: Hand me that thing literally 5 feet from where I'm sitting.
muslimproblems: “so can you guys eat pork?” “no” “what about ham?” “no” “what about pepperoni?” “no” “what about…” “NO NOTHING FROM THE PIG.”
muslimproblems: that moment in elementary school when the entire world pulled out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch and then you pulled out chicken curry with rice. and the whole lunchroom looking at your lunch like: and you’re all like: Hahahahahahahahahaha tears in me eyes
muslimproblems: I want to party, flirt with women, hit up the clubs, and neglect my duties to Allah but when its time to get married I want a virgin hijabi girl who has never looked at another man in her whole life. :D Why we hate men. Lol
The Day of your Wedding
Bride: OMG why is that centrepiece tilted 0.000004% the wrong way
Bride: I hope they didn't mess up the food
Bride: OMG LOOK AT MUMMA AND PUPPA OMG DON'T CRY
Bride: OMG she's trying to out dress me on MY WEDDING what the Jahannam
Bride: I didn't even invite you
Bride: Hate that aunty
Bride: i can't even eat this crap what the hell my stomach hurts ugh i bet i look ugly in all these pictures
Bride: Why is he looking at her?! I'm the wife HELLO
Bride: omg there were supposed to be 256 flowers on the cake but i only counted 255
Bride: i need some tylenol. and a bed.
Groom: Gonna get laid tonight, Alhamdulillah
Media & Society: You're religion is backwards, sexist, and oppressive . men can beat women and throw acid in their face and can rape them all they want.
Me: Umm where did you get this
Media & Society: Well isn't it obvious, that villager in that obsolete town who can't read in that country that has a muslim population with that government that has less to do with islam then an atheist did it so clearly it must be a core practice of your religion
Me: oh okay.
When you're getting to know a girl...
Any Girl: Here's my number. call me
Muslim Girl: Here's my father's number. call him
#61. The Procrastinating Muslim
12AM: Oh man chemistry exam at 8AM tomorrow and I gotta learn 5 chapters in the next 8 hours...lemme just check Facebook/Tumblr/Twitter one last time...
1AM (on random girl's status): AND THATS WHY its haraam. Fatwa courtesy of Shaykh Google
2AM: im hungry
3AM: TUMBLR FTW
4AM: gotta pray isha leggo
430AM: okay i seriously have to get started on this...HEY NOUMAN ALI KHAN HAS A NEW 2 HOUR VIDEO UP
630AM: time for Fajr yeeee
after Fajr dua: YA ALLAH PLEASE LET ME PASS I PROMISE ILL FAST TOMORROW AND READ MY SUNNAHS FOR THE NEXT MONTH
5 minutes before the exam: yo whats that dua you make for exams again.
#62. Contradicting Uncle
Uncle: there should be more Muslims in journalism and public affairs!
Uncle: people should stop forcing their kids into those stereotypical job roles
Me: What about your 3 kids uncle?
Unlce: 1 is a lawyer and 2 are doctors
muslimproblems: I may or may not have a “Things I’m going to ask Allah to give me inshaAllah when I get into Jannah through His sheer Mercy” list. This includes flying, eating for thousands of years, and watching the History of the World from Prophet Adam AS till the Day of Judgment.
muslimproblems: The MSA. Because lets face it, the main reason you joined is so that you could meet cute guys/girls who fit your marriage criteria. This is so funny ahahhaha
muslimproblems: Someone once asked me “There’s so much information on the Dajjal, I’m sure I’ll be able to spot him and stay away from him, I don’t get why he’s such a great fitnah.” I told him Alcohol is haraam, yet the ummah consumes it. Zina is haraam, yet the ummah commits it. Riba is haraam, yet the ummah indulges in it. The question is not whether you will be able to recognize him, it is...
•being across the Atlantic ocean but not caring one bit •watching the full 90 minutes plus the added time •making future plans and hoping they will come true •still being there even when his hair is messy and sweat is dropping from his forehead •smiling when he smiles and being happy when he is •considering the “so-called-girlfriend” NONEXISTENT •writing poems in English and...
guys: uh why do girls care so much about being skinny? it's so annoying
guys: ew fat chicks
ammarmali: I believe in a religion that rewards its believers for simply smiling. Yes. Yes :)
non-english speaker: I am awfully sorry at the terrible state of my English abilities, as for the English language is not my mother tounge. I hope you forgive me for every foolish mistake I make.
people with english as their first language: lol it okei doe
i may be annoying and ugly but at least i don’t have auto play on my blog Hahahahaha
Lionel Messi’s 25 today. He’s scored 281 professional goals, played for...– Tw by four four Tom (via takeachanceonme10) Yup